Sunday, September 14, 2014

Guide to Speaking Like a Millennial

A lot has been said about the millennial generation -they take selfies! They have no attention spans!  They need instant gratification! -but not so much about how we say it.  Sure, our emoji use is well documented, including here, but the employment of an entirely new vocabulary?  Yep, you heard it here first.
Images from Time and Merriam-Webster

1. Bae
Technically short form for before anyone else, bae serves as a replacement for relationship pet names like babe, baby and wifey. But for those of us for whom a significant other is an elusive concept akin to the tooth fairy, bae is applicable to nearly anything: a perfectly golden Chik-fil-A chicken biscuit, a bottle of Veuve or the new Céline sunglasses.

2. This could be us (but you playin)
Like most Internet memes, this one seemingly appeared out of thin air. One day, everyone’s Facebook feed was flooded with memes of spectacularly unremarkable or awkard looking couples with the caption #thiscouldbeusbutyouplayin. At some point, the phenomenon took a turn for the glamorous with individuals posting admirable couples and scenarios like American royalty Beyonce and Jay Z.

3. Thot
It’s unclear for whom thot is a common refrain. It literally means that hoe over there. Perhaps Chief Keef popularized the term in his banger “Love No Thotties," which unsurprisingly has led to zero Grammy nominations. Do better Keef.

4. Yasss
Not only is there hey, heyyy and heyyyyyy to decode in a text, of which each additional “y” indicates the increasing urgency with which one would like to hook up, but there is also yes, yessss and YASSSS, of which each escalation reveals increasing approval –typically for an Instagram.

5. It’s everythinggg
When adjectives fail you, just resort to the use of everything. “Omg, that bag is everything.” “This truffle risotto is everything.” “Your apartment is everything.” It’s an always appropriate, albeit somewhat lazy, compliment to denote your endorsement of something.

6. The most
There’s most improved, most likely to, the most interesting man in the world. But there’s also just the most. Similar in nature to “it’s everything,” “the most” covers almost all your bases. When someone is being a little too extra, they’re just the most. No explanation necessary.

7. On one
Rap Genius seems convinced that Drake uses “on one” to mean high on ecstacy or under the effects of lean –promethazine and codeine for the uninitiated. But for those of who elect not sip purple drank, being on one simply means to be whacked out. For some reason or another, which likely involves a substantial amount of alcohol, you’re acting bizarrely.

8. Came for your life
No literal death threats are involved here. Instead, your life choices are in question. Either a friend, family member, perhaps even an enemy has chosen to call you out on some aspect of your life choices.

9. Giving me life
A sausage, egg and cheese bagel the morning after a longgg night, a manicure-pedicure after a hectic week or perhaps even a cat YouTube video if that’s your thing. Basically, giving me life means that something is werking.

10. Flex
Trinidad James really said it best, “Shout out to them freshmen./ On Instagram straight flexin./ Woo!” Translation: showing out, showing off, letting them know. Unlike much of the millennial vocabulary, this term makes logical sense.

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